I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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