Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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