I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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