Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
