i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I want a musical about memes.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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