booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
