you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
