I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
