my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
