By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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