Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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