If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
