The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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