Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
