I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
