you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i used baking grease as lip gloss
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
