Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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