Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
