Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
