Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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