I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
