Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
