4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
