im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Randomize
