Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
