In the future we'll all be gay
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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