once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
