i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
