I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Dignity is for republicans.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
