can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
