All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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