arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Randomize
