She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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