i'm lost and i look like a hooker
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
