Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
