and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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