I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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