my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
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