I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
