and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
