You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
