i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
