I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
