porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
