In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
