She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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