the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
