Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
