Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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