and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
