Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
