Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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