We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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