let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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