Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Randomize
