roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
